The first step to change is awareness
the second is acceptance.
Yes, there is a big difference between finding a date and finding a healthy life partner…
And after you find him, knowing how to navigate conflict, build intimacy, and cheat-proof your bond. So what can you do?
Start by creating a vision for your future.
Clearly define what you want and why it’s not already in your life. Focus on what you want without trying to control your partner’s behavior.
Have standards and notice what you are feeling. Ask yourself, “How do I feel about me when I am with him?
If you feel uneasy, inadequate, unlovable then carefully consider your options!
Evaluate, his Attachment Style… Is he a dismissive-avoidant type?
- Ask him about his early years, “What were the holidays like at your home.” “What was your best day as a kid…Your worst day?”
- The goal is to find out if his caregivers were caring and responded to his need for help… if he bonded with at least one primary caregiver.
- If not, there is a good chance he will never really bond with you or trust in your love… and may even feel anger and disgust towards you for having emotional needs.
Dismissive-avoidants can be charming at first…
But as the relationship progresses, he may begin to find petty faults, to deny what you just heard him say, to invalidate you and your feelings… And of course, no one can compete with the one that got away!
These distancing tactics keep the relationship from evolving in a healthy way.
This can cause you to question yourself, to question your own perception of what is going on, and even what you deserve.
Know that you deserve kindness… period!
If he is a dismissive avoidant type, then consistent kindness may not be in the cards, and it is not your fault!
This may be hard to accept… if he a dismissive-avoidant type, he is most likely not going to change.
So, you have a choice… lower your standards or leave. It’s your choice!
The best chance for lasting love
is created by entering a relationship
with a healthy partner!